I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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