I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
