I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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