He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
