I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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