found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
