i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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