six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
