Have you finally orgasmed yet?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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