I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
