I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
