weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
