I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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