i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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