I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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