first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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