And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
