OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
