It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
