Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just threw up on my dentist
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
