So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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