So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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