I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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