I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
