do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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