I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
