Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
