i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There r osticjed everywhere
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
