walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
