Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
