You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
