Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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