his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
