he puts the penis in happiness.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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