Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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