There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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