i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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