I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
