the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
