i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
