apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
