You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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