Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
