There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
