And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
