Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
