mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
high people should be assigned attendants
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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