Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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