Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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