no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
