so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
