It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
