remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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