I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
