don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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