I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
