dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
