is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
