Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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